Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Why?

I am begining the blog to document my weightloss journey. I am heading to Mexico today and will undergo Lap Band surgery Thursday. Why Mexico? Well, first and foremost - I can afford it there. Secondly, I know 5 people that have had this same procedure done by this particular doctor in this specific facility. Finally, the doctor is American Board Certified... so why not?

I am fortunate that I have my best friend joining me in the endavor. She will also be banded - same time, same place. I will have a buddy in this process. Priceless.

The past 7 days have been rough. The pre-op diet consists of high protein (minimum of 60-70g) low carbs (maximum 20-30g). I have felt sluggish, absent minded, iritable, whiny and hungry. My friend on the other hand, has felt fantastic. She has more energy, feels less bloated and is losing weight already. Not fair...

My husband is so/so supportive. Bless his skinny little heart - he is trying, but unless you've been overweight, you can not truly understand. He is learning not to ask me if I want some ice-cream and then wave his bowl in my face and tell me how yummy it is. - not funny. There is no ill intent - just lack of understanding. His diet experience consists of cutting out the cookies/junk food that he eats standing in the kitchen watching me make dinner. He can drop 10lbs just by wishing it. Whatever...different bodies.

I am filled with anxiety today. Hubby is stressed about money (I knew he would be - he is kind of like that) and trying to fight with me about it. Not interested. You must understand my husband. He works really hard. We have lots of nice things. He loves his family and desires to take care of them. To him, the best way is to be financally secure. Great guy, huh? I am lucky. To pay for my surgery, we have gotten a cash advance on our credit card and plan to pay it in full Feburary-ish when our tax return comes in. This is completly do-able for our situation. However, over the last couple of weeks (of course) several unexpected things have come up. Soccer fees, reloading of lunch account funds, some expensive perscriptions - just to name a few. This has and always will stress my husband out, add the surgery cost on top and you've got a recipe for disaster. Needless to say, he is on edge. He needs to argue it out. He needs for me to be apologitic and go over the budget with him and reinterate that I understand and am willing to be on a tighter budget for the next few weeks. I understand that is what he needs, and I will typically comply. But not right now.

I asked him to please take his stress and keep it to himself. I just can not deal with this today (or yesterday). I feel like I am on the verge of tears. I suffer from anxiety anyway - add the normal anxiety of pre-surgery jitters and it is not so pretty. I have taken some Xanax. I realise that my diet over the past week truly plays a role in this magnified anxiety.

I am really excited. I am ready for the change that my life has needed. I grew up fit. I was on a competitive cheerleading squad in High School and went to college on a Dance Team scholarship...in shape. I got married at 140 (I'm 5'6") and remained about that even after giving birth to by 2 children. I gained a little weight when my husband and I moved to Minnesota (it's too cold to do anything other than stay inside and bake), but my big gain has been since moving to Arizona in 2000. I went from about 160 to 283 in 8 years. Granted I have PCOS (polysistic ovarian syndrome) which I have read fuels your weight gain, and went through some really tough depression. But reguardless how I have gotten here - I am not happy.

I have disks out in my back. My doctor encouraged me to lose 50 pounds. Right. I can't excersise. My knees and ankles creak and crack, my feet hurt if I walk too long. I am out of breath, out of shape, and out of patience! I am ready to live my life to it's fullest. Ready to hike with my kids. Ready to get out there and kick the ball around, shoot hoops, play softball. I want to live! Not just observe. I am ready.

Wish me luck!

1 comment:

amyg said...

You rock Tammy!!!! Good luck with everything. I'm here for you guys all the way!!!!!!!!